Chaz Is A Music Snob

Sunday, August 06, 2017

I wish I was someone who put a song in your heart

Put a smile under your nose

Made your eyes sparkle and shine

Warmed your cold, lit your darkness

Eased your worries, gave you courage

Freed you to fly higher than you ever imagined

I wish I was someone you wanted

To navigate and ride shotgun on your adventures

To share your laughs, celebrations and triumphs

To keep your secrets, the good and the bad,

To know your loves, hates and favorite things

I wish that I was someone who excited you

Made your heart beat faster

Or skip beats here and there

Made you nervous with anticipation

And sigh with contentment

Someone who you wanted to dream about

Someone to share your dreams with

Saturday, August 05, 2017

Self Loathing

Never tried - didn’t believe I could.

Didn’t believe, never felt worthy.

Didn’t understand and couldn’t imagine.

Saw who I was not, what I did not have.

See the beauty and good in you all

And told you and encouraged belief

But never did see what you saw

When you describe me to me.

Envy your boldness, confidence and courage

Because I have refused to reach out, to hold on

Or leap in faith

When I had things that I wanted in reach

Day after night, night after day

Beat myself down for choices made and not made.

Self-tried, convicted and dammed for things I did

Haunted by the things I did not

Remember only the thorns of the rose

And the rain that makes rainbows

The so longs and goodbyes after hellos

And the cloud behind the silver lining

A world colored only black, white and grey

A lonely world inside my four walls

Lonelier surrounded by people in a working cube

No one hears my silent screams…

I don’t think I ever imagined myself here

Don’t think I ever imagined a future at all

I really don’t know why

I just don’t think like that.

Is confession supposed to be good for the soul?

It doesn’t feel very good

At all

Maybe I sabotage myself

Maybe I just never learned how to …

Or what I learned was that dreamers get burned

That people who love and care get burned

And stepped on

And nice guys finish last because we’re gentlemen

Holding the door for others

If you show your weakness

Someone will stab you in it

I know I’m just like you

But sometimes I don’t …

I don’t know how to ask

I don’t know how to phrase what it is I want

If I really know what that is

Thursday, June 01, 2017

Sergeant Pepper

Depending where you are, today or some time this week should make the 50th anniversary of the release of what is generally considered to be the Beatles greatest work, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. It’s absolutely not their greatest [that’s a toss up between Revolver and Rubber Soul] nor even their most influential [I would hold With the Beatles / Meet the Beatles as the albums that launched a million bands] but it may be their most recognized and most often copied album. It’s certainly the album that drove Brian Wilson to a sandbox. [To be fair though, he was outnumbered two to one in the songwriting.]

A lot of people are going to tell you a lot of things about this kicking off “the Summer Of Love” and the hippie/peace movement yadda yadda blah blah blah. Don’t believe that hype. The Beatles were certainly the most high profile rock and roll band if not musical artists at the time, but there was a lot more going on around them. In London you already have Donovan, the Pink Floyd, Cream, Jimi Hendrix [Are You Experienced was released in April] and the Who. In the States, the San Francisco/L.A. thing is bubbling along with Frank Zappa & the Mothers Of Invention, Jefferson Airplane, the Doors, the Byrds and the Grateful Dead. In New York, the Velvet Underground is going. Yes, all of this is going to get a whole lot bigger in the coming years but it’s already happening even as the Beatles unleash this beast.

And make no mistake it’s a good album. The first side is pretty good, the second side starts off with the twin clunkers of Harrison’s Within You, Without You and McCartney’s schmaltzy When I’m 64 [precursor of Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da and Maxwells’ Silver Hammer]. Of course it picks up and culminates with what is in my [never] humble opine, the best Beatles track ever A Day in the Life.

How would one possibly make this album any better? some of you may be wondering. Glad you asked. Because you have to think about what’s NOT on the album for a second. [This is skewed by the American release of the Magical Mystery Tour album.] See, there was some clamoring for a new single early in 1967 and George Martin bowed to pressure by giving The Record Company the only two finished track laying around: Strawberry Fields Forever and Penny Lane. Two sides of a great single no doubt. But because of this, they were left OFF of Sgt. Pepper, something Martin rued for years and years. So think about a possible running order like this:

Sgt, Pepper…, With A Little Help…, Strawberry Fields, Penny Lane, She’s Leaving Home, …Mr. Kite, // Getting Better, [George song], Lovely Rita, Good Morning, A Day In the Life

So in the US, instead of being given the 6 song EP [2 45s] Magical Mystery Tour like the U.K. [EPs never did seem to take off in the US], The Record Company filled out a whole album with singles tracks they had laying around: Penny Lane, Strawberry Fields, Hello Goodbye, Baby You’re A Rich Man and All You Need Is Love. Yet another way to get an extra buck out of your pocket! So perhaps Americans don’t think about Strawberry Fields and Penny Lane belonging with Sgt. Pepper, but they do.

Still, for my money the more interesting Beatles album is Revolver. That’s where they started using the Leslie rotating speakers and Artificial Double Tracking and speeding the tapes up, slowing them down and using tape loops and backwards guitar solos and stuff. And it’s got Tomorrow Never Knows, another favorite by John, McCartney’s For No One, Dr. Robert. And of course that album is missing other songs pulled off for singles: Paperback Writer, Rain, Day Tripper and We Can Work It Out. Taken in that context, the Beatles of 1966 kick the living shit out of the Beatles of 1967. I mean really, other than I Am the Walrus and the singles added by the US record company, what else is any good on Magical Mystery Tour?

Still we know how those baby boomers are. They’ve been told Sgt. Pepper is SO GREAT for SO LONG, it’s just taken as The Gospel Truth, the same way people think of Pet Sounds or Blonde On Blonde or Tommy or a whole slew of albums that I find merely ‘okay.’ And that’s fine. That friendly “Yer Stoopid, how can you think that!” debate is part of what keeps me listening. Even I have been known to change my mind on occasion about records. It DID happen! Really! Okay, for years I maintained that Beggar’s Banquet was a superior album to Let It Bleed. I KNOW, what the Hell was I thinking?!?...

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Note To Self

I'm sorry I never became what I wanted to
Not Hunter Thompson, Tom Wolfe or Cameron Crowe
Not Rory Gallagher, Ryan Adams, Paul Westerberg or John Doe
Not Jimmy Miller, neither Glyn nor Andy or even Ethan Johns,
Neither Eno nor Lanois
Maybe one day I'll grow up and know what to be
Maybe ... one day

I'm sorry I never found my confidence or courage
And I never was able to approach 'that one' or 'that (other) one'
Or that oh so sweet friend of that friend - yeah, that's the one
I'm sorry I let my fear rule and tie me
Heart pounding louder than any bass drum,
Mouth dry as a cotton ball in the desert sun,
Brain firing faster than a Formula One spark plug
But I stood there tongue tied and muted
Smiling but dying a little more every second

And all those words I longed to say
I spilled them across the endless pages
And I have always carried with me
The weight of all those things I never said
All of the longing and desire and sadness and regret
Words unspoken, love letters never mailed

I'm sorry I let these things freeze me
I didn't want to get hurt [again] so I never let anyone get close
And then the loneliness throbbed and ached inside me
Worse than the momentary pinch and sting of rejection

I painted myself into corners, hid myself away
Always found the reason not to or just flat out lied to myself
I let opportunities pass, the decision made for me
Just by choosing not to choose
And I hid my sadness and self disappointment in so many drinks
Drinks of self contemplation, self condemnation and self medication
And sometimes I managed to numb it all out for a few hours
Once in a while I did

I used all the lame assed excuses not to put myself out there
"I'm not interesting, not good looking, not good enough, so not worthy..."
And anyone who tried climbing over the walls
I pushed away and pushed away and pushed away
Until they finally left me be
And I sank deeper into my cubby hole
Bathing in television blue and playing my records
Trying to make myself feel better
And once in a month of Sundays or every other blue moon it did...

I'm sorry for some of the things I've done
I'm sorry for hurting people, intentionally or not
I used some women and toyed with hearts and bodies
And I should and will probably always carry a little bit of sorry for that
But it's time to let the sorry and the guilt fly
Time to cast off mistakes and failures
Cast of those "you surely knew better better but you did it anyway"
And the "oh my God, you were so young and God damned immature" regrets
For so long the innocent naive boy in the body of a full grown man

I'm sorry that for so long I've carried sadness, guilt and shame that was not mine
This is the burden from the parent to the child
Never asked for, never explained
These things dog us in the subconscious
Passed through DNA, observation and experience
Isolated from a mother's nurturing
Disappointed with the father's example
The anger about the way it all went down
Of actions never owned up to or apologized for
The sadness of not being able to repair her broken heart
Or help her through the golden years now tarnished
With her own bitterness and bile

I'm sorry it took so long to get here
To finally say to the mirror
"This isn't working anymore.
"I've felt stuck for so long
"An island in a river, life and lives flowing all around me...
"Today is the day I make the change
"Today is the day I choose to make changes.

"I deserve to be happy.
"I deserve to have strong, healthy relationships.
"I am worthy of love and of being loved.

"I choose not to let the past control me any longer.
"I have been through these things but I am not of these things.
"These things have shaped me but the do not define me.
"I will remember the lesson but I choose to cast off the regrets, guilt and shame.
"I choose to forgive those who have hurt me
"But most of all I choose to look into the mirror and forgive myself.

"I choose to do my best and make the most of my time here.
"I choose to be the best person, child, brother, in-law, uncle, nephew and friend I can be.
"And on the days I do my best and I don't think I did good enough
"I will tell myself 'I did my best today but today is over.
"'I will get up tomorrow and do my best again.'

I do this for me.
This I choose to do for me.

Note To Self

Thursday, July 21, 2016



Sand Y Sol 


 

Sitting on a deck chair

Sweating in the balmy breeze of the Mexican gulf

About a mile from the mouth of the bay of Mobile

Came down 49 highway through Mississippi last night

The road of the bluesmen rode north 

When word came round 'bout Chicago

Sweet home Chicago



I looked for the ghosts of Robert Johnson

Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf and Albert King

But on this moonless night 

There was nothin' unusual to be seen

On the side of the highway

Just rollin' on down the highway with the radio on

Rollin' down the road, rollin' to the sea



In a twist of fate in the driving rain

Pelting Jackson Mississippi this Saturday night

I hear Jacksonville Florida's Skynyrd band

Honkin' on Toronto Ontario's Mr. Neil Young

For ripping on Alabama from his California ranch

The song of course recorded in Georgia, not Muscle Shoals

I smile and keep driving through the Mississippi rain

Headed for the gulf shore

Heading into Gulf Shores



Sitting here now close by the sea

Pastel duplexes and homes on stilts all around

Normal architecture on or near ocean front property

Some with name tags like "Bama Breeze" and "Sand Y Sol"

The others have gone down to play in the surf and sand

Maybe I'll join them in a little while

But for a few minutes just chillin' in my chair

A little dead on the box and a big ol' sweet tea

Let my mind be at ease

Let my soul be at ease

Saturday, May 21, 2016

The Cars – An Appreciation

I came to the Cars in the middle of the story. Sort of.

I knew about the Cars, I knew a little of the Cars. As I’ve said before that if you turned on a radio turned to any FM rock station anytime after 1978 and listened for two hours you’d be more likely than not to hear the Cars. FM played the holy shit out of that first [self titled] album and not without reason. Of the 9 songs on that album, at least six [!!] are FM staples. [Good Times Roll, My Best Friend’s Girl, Just What I Needed, You’re All I’ve Got Tonight, Bye Bye Love and Moving In Stereo] Moving In Stereo is of course best remembered as the song to which Pheobe Cates bares her breasts in Fast Times At Ridgemont High [Yes there WAS music playing!] even though it did not appear on that soundtrack.

And I certainly remember Let’s Go hitting the airwaves, an amazing slice of power pop fitting in with Cheap Trick [I Want You To Want Me, Dream Police], Blondie [One Way Or Another, Dreaming], the Babys [Every Time I Think Of You] and the Knack [Good Girls Don’t, My Sharona]. Ah, junior high. Mixed times. Girls. Skating at Big Wheel on Saturday afternoons. Six Flags Over Texas. Rejection from girls. Cliques. Not fitting in. Kiss and E.L.O. going disco. Roller disco. Disco. Did I mention Disco?

But the Cars first showed up on my doorstep/turntable in the form of Panorama. I don’t even remember why it showed up – I think it was a present, so maybe it was a birthday? This was not a major album. People moaned that was cold and heartless and it wasn’t ‘the first album.’ Is it experimental? Yeah. Elliot Easton said “The first time Ric played the new songs for us, I thought they sounded weird – like inside out music.” Is it the Cars album that seems to fall through the cracks? Sort of. I don’t care, I love that record. This was something new, so different from anything else happening. And I ate it up. From the phased and slashing opening chords of the title track to the 5/4 meter of the “hit” Touch And Go, the riff heavy metal lite of Don’t Tell Me No, the brooding Chaz theme song Misfit Kid, the Roxy Music leaning You Wear Those Eyes to the bombastic closer Up And Down, the band just locked in and never let go. Keith Richards talks about he and Ronnie Wood and this “magical art of weaving” in the Stones. The Cars were more like a series of cogs and sprockets and gears all meeting together in precision.

Take for example Moving In Stereo. It starts off with one of those eerie space movie phased tones, then a deceptively simple guitar fill, then Ben Orr’s voice joins the mix for the first verse. Then the band kicks in. The drums holding a steady line, Orr’s bass slipping in and about, the oil in those cogs and gears, then secret weapon Elliot Easton and Greg Hawkes add those hook lines, trading splashes, runs and fills across the steadiness of the drum line and the mercurial bass lines that keep it all pumping. And then there are vocals. Ric Ocasek has that distinctive nasal, reedy tone and cold, often flat delivery that works so well on Good Times Roll, Touch And Go, Since You’re Gone, You Might Think and Magic. Ben Orr has that warm tone that works so well on Drive, Candy-O, Let’s Go and Bye Bye Love. One could argue that the fact that Ric Ocasek [with occasional help from Hawkes] penned all of the Cars songs lends a certain uniformity to the catalog. The lyrics tend to be very abstract. Even in the notoriously upbeat You Might Think there are lines like “you think you're in the movies and everything's so deep / but i think that you're wild when you flash that fragile smile..”

In short order I had all four by the time or shortly after Shake It Up came around in the fall of 1981. Shake It Up contains my favorite Cars track, another odd time thing against a normal track, this time the click track on Since You’re Gone. [I add yet again that I SHOULD have seen the Cars on this tour, but some people who were supposed to be waiting in line went for coffee and I didn’t get to see them until the Heartbeat City tour when I got up early, drove the ‘73 Duster up the freeway and waited with a handful of kids at the Seminary South Sears. But oh, how jealous I was of the kids that fall in their jerseys from the Shake It Up shows.]

And of course, that brings me to Heartbeat City. The glory days of MTV. The summer of Magic, You Might Think and Drive. Over the years, my opinion of this album had dimmed quite a bit, maybe due to over-exposure. Listening again to the Elektra Years, I’m surprised at some of the album tracks like Stranger Eyes, Why Can’t I Have You and It’s Not the Night. On the other hand, no amount of time or wishful thinking can save I Refuse as in I Refuse To Listen To This Song.

Working at the Sound Warehouse, I remember buying the Cars’ Door To Door and Aerosmith’s Permanent Vacation on the same day. [Wikipedia says they were released a week apart.] Permanent Vacation fell into regular rotation and I was wicked disappointed by Door To Door. The lead off tracks Leave Or Stay and You Are the Girl felt too sugary-pop and formulaic. History has been kinder to my appreciation of the Cars’ 1987 offering than Aerosmith’s. I will still occasionally slap on Door To Door [or a few tracks from it] while the less said about Permanent Vacation the better. There were/are some good songs on there like Strap Me In [the last single which barely made it to the Hot 100], Double Trouble, Fine Line and Everything You Say. It just wasn’t Heartbeat City or Shake It Up. That didn’t mean I or the public at large wanted them to go away. But Door To Door arrived to an amazing indifference and poor sales. A tour was cancelled and the Cars just kind of faded into the ether. Word at the time was that there was a lot of indifference within the band also. Orr and Easton had released one solo album each and Ocasek had already done two. Was Ocasek being accused of hoarding the ‘best’ songs for his own albums? Was drummer David Robinson still smarting from Mutt Lange programming all the drum parts on Heartbeat City? Was it just too much familiarity, ten years together now it’s time to go? Or some mix of all of these things?

But gone never quite meant forgotten. Various collections would show up every few years, the best being the 2 disc set Just What I Needed: The Cars Anthology with the liner notes sadly missing from the recent Elektra Years box. And as FM because fragmented and boxed into smaller and smaller categories, the Cars were once again staples of what was now “Classic Rock,” once again besides the likes of Pink Floyd, the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin, the bands they were so unlike both then and now. They fit better into the “Top 40 Oldies” format that has switched now from the Motown/ Golden Age of AM Radio era of our parents to the late 70s / early 80s / Golden Age Of FM Radio of my own youth.

Which brings me to the present. I picked up The Elektra Years after reading a couple of online notes about Ric Ocasek himself overseeing these remasters [or in the case of The Cars, Candy-O and Panorama, re-remasters]. And while I will once again bemoan the fact that there are no new notes about the making of the albums and there are still a handful of tracks “missing” which leaves the collection “incomplete”, I appreciate the effort to make the band again sound like they did on those licorice pizzas. But what I appreciate most is revisiting of the catalog of a band that was one of the first bands I found for myself, that started me on this never ending journey to discover new and old sounds. Coming back to a band like the Cars is like returning to Grandma’s kitchen in that it’s familiar, safe and heartwarming. Hearing them again gives me a touch of that feeling like I’m 13 again, eyes, ears and heart wide open.