wedding day contemplation
It’s been a long, LONG August… so many highs, so many lows. Started with the low, the double funeral, and three weeks later I sit waiting around in a fucking monkey suit [Penguin suit] waiting to be called for pictures at a wedding, fighting a head cold and nerves. What am I nervous about? Just a bridesmaid again…
So many highs and lows this month, up and down, stress and apathy. Continual flow of friends all month, checking and rechecking our mental status. Shaking off the shock and realization that two lights have gone out of our lives. They should be here today sharing the joy and the love. I think of birthday parties and wedding and holidays they will not be here to laugh with us, let alone making ordinary dinners and weekend visits “extra ordinary.”
And now the other extreme. I am… encouraged by the fact that people can find their ‘soul mate’ after the age of 30. I believe I have found my ‘soul mate’ and my best friend, though that seems to remain deeply deeply platonic. So I still hope to find someone to be my ‘other best friend’ in life. Have I learned watching other people go through this mystery of ‘Love?’ Probably not. I finally got over the shit Hollywood fed me that you always [well, almost always] get the girl in the end. Hollywood loves a happy ending. Reality bites. Divorces, separations, second and third marriages, step kids, not being able to have kids, hang ups, money fights, “He’s an ass/She’s a bitch,” He said/ She Said… scary world. Daunting to someone so inexperienced. It’s be nice to have someone to fuck, but I want to be in love. Another of life’s mysteries. Some say “put your future/fate in God’s hands…” And I guess I have gone and given up to whatever fate [or The Divine Plan] has in store for me. Funny, it took a tragedy to shake me out of my rut and my shell.
What am I looking for anyway? I found peace with myself. I let go of a lot of ‘what if’ and ‘What should I have done’ and ‘Boy did I fuck that up.’ I wiped my slate clean and said ‘One day at a time.’ I didn’t forget the things, but I told myself ‘Penance paid, let the anchors and chains go and move forward.’
I still wonder if I know how to love like ‘normal’ people. I am not sure what I took from my immediate familial relationship. Parents on opposite schedules [day and night shifts] through my teenage years…I don’t think I got a lot of direction and/or ‘great life altering advice’ or anything from them. I guess they were like a lot of people trying to keep the mortgage up and all. But I never got the impression that they were impressed or proud of anything I did. Not apathetic, but not really encouraging or free with praise either. And maybe that’s contributed to me developing my own set of rules and codes, catching as catch can and making my own deals with God and developing my own philosophy. Anyone want to chime in on how that contributes to other ‘relationship issues’ or ‘self esteem issues?’
Anyway, here I sit in Tom Wolfe’s “black shiny FBI shoes,” waiting for a wedding to start and seeing old friends coming around to share again, at least this time for joy and celebration. It’s funny to see how this chain has grown from myself and Kristie and Bobbi and Vicki to Nate and Henry and Jim and Kelly. To see how Kelly and Vicki became such friends while life took others away on different paths. And still many spokes of the wheel will be represented here, many paths joining together in this clearing to toast to love, drink, laugh, break bread and share a few hours again.
Monday, August 25, 2003
WE GOT LINKS
If you HAVEN'T been keeping up with your email from me [and shame on you] or if you're not on my list. here's more fuel to fires that keep going around my beloved Rock and Roll Discussion Group aka The Rockers.
Picked this off of The Rock and Roll Report http://www.rockandrollreport.blogspot.com/ [another man just plugging away on his blog] about 'Who Killed Rock and Roll?' by Gene Scualtti of WFMU [WFMU is an independent freeform radio station broadcasting at 91.1 fm in the New York City area, at 90.1 fm in the Hudson Valley, which sound interesting to me.. any station that polls its listeners about the Worst Song of the Post War Era [ I REFUSE to spoil you, look for yourself: http://www.wfmu.org/WSC/wsc.html ] has to have something right. It really appears to be true free form... check out the DJs and their playlists MARTY.]
http://www.wfmu.org/LCD/24/mythsmash.html
And this debate on the fate of the "album" [i.e. the standard 10-12 song format we are familiar with, not the actual vinyl Lp...] AND you can VOTE! [Ah, gotta love Democracy in action!] by Gideon Yago at MTV.com
http://www.mtv.com/bands/a/albums_news_feature_081903/
This actually turns out to be a decent arguement: "The album is a bloated, outdated, overused, unnecessary idea in post-Ritalin, Mixtape America where DJs are heroes and the only surefire hit is a Now That's What I Call Music! compilation.
"A complete album that flows effortlessly from track to track (think the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds, the Stooges' Fun House or The Eminem Show) is tough to demand of mainstream hit machines that are often not even responsible for writing the music they perform. This is not to say that I don't like albums (I love them!) or that there aren't any good bands, groups or MCs out there making great LPs ... but big hits are expensive to produce and promote. In order to recoup that money, record labels tack on a dozen filler tracks that nobody wants to hear and sells it as an album. [my emphasis]
"But what if the record labels gave less and charged less? Cut the track count and the price in half? Retail music might not go the way of the dodo bird. Switch to a four- to five-track EP ("extended play," a term dating back to the days of vinyl.) Today the album is the standard unit of operation in the music business. Contracts and success are all based on albums. But what if that changed? What if contracts were written by song or EP and budgets were slashed accordingly?"
..."I believe that if the record industry tightened its product, offered greater diversity and focused their album efforts on music compilations, they might be able to make it out of the business world alive.
"What made albums (post-the Beatles' Rubber Soul) so great was that they were intended to be heard from start to finish and you were almost always guaranteed a couple of good songs. But the album as an art form is a relic in the age of file sharing. Thanks to the innovation of the fast-forward button, today's listeners go cruising from track to track in search of a sucker cut. Right now, consumers are hesitant about plunking down $16.99 plus tax for an entire record that might turn out to be utterly disposable. I believe that's why so many are turning to downloading — to hedge their bets.
"The labels need to sell a product the people will pay for, and that means they've got to take what is great about the album and abbreviate it. Put it out more frequently and in smaller batches. It keeps costs down, keeps bands developing and keeps fans interested.Instead of sacking whole bands, just sack unnecessarily big productions. Keep a diverse roster, encourage quality and sell the archive. Kill the album."
Been hanging out in Burleson at a wedding, seeing lost friends and accomplishing things all weekend. More to follow [including MY take on the two articles in question] soon. As always, additions, counter arguements and topics to debate: DROP A LINE!
chaz66@earthlink.net Don't panic if you get a 'not on friends list' message: I am having SPAM issues and have the heavy duty spam filter on.
NEXT TOPIC [or' the sentence currently burning a hole in my head]: Been reading an old Springsteen article, specifically about putting together the Live 75-85 album, and the feeling and the story he was trying to put across in the sequencing, when it hit me. The scariest moment [or 'The Defining Moment'] is when one realizes that Mom and Dad don't know it all. That it's all just a crap shoot.
If you HAVEN'T been keeping up with your email from me [and shame on you] or if you're not on my list. here's more fuel to fires that keep going around my beloved Rock and Roll Discussion Group aka The Rockers.
Picked this off of The Rock and Roll Report http://www.rockandrollreport.blogspot.com/ [another man just plugging away on his blog] about 'Who Killed Rock and Roll?' by Gene Scualtti of WFMU [WFMU is an independent freeform radio station broadcasting at 91.1 fm in the New York City area, at 90.1 fm in the Hudson Valley, which sound interesting to me.. any station that polls its listeners about the Worst Song of the Post War Era [ I REFUSE to spoil you, look for yourself: http://www.wfmu.org/WSC/wsc.html ] has to have something right. It really appears to be true free form... check out the DJs and their playlists MARTY.]
http://www.wfmu.org/LCD/24/mythsmash.html
And this debate on the fate of the "album" [i.e. the standard 10-12 song format we are familiar with, not the actual vinyl Lp...] AND you can VOTE! [Ah, gotta love Democracy in action!] by Gideon Yago at MTV.com
http://www.mtv.com/bands/a/albums_news_feature_081903/
This actually turns out to be a decent arguement: "The album is a bloated, outdated, overused, unnecessary idea in post-Ritalin, Mixtape America where DJs are heroes and the only surefire hit is a Now That's What I Call Music! compilation.
"A complete album that flows effortlessly from track to track (think the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds, the Stooges' Fun House or The Eminem Show) is tough to demand of mainstream hit machines that are often not even responsible for writing the music they perform. This is not to say that I don't like albums (I love them!) or that there aren't any good bands, groups or MCs out there making great LPs ... but big hits are expensive to produce and promote. In order to recoup that money, record labels tack on a dozen filler tracks that nobody wants to hear and sells it as an album. [my emphasis]
"But what if the record labels gave less and charged less? Cut the track count and the price in half? Retail music might not go the way of the dodo bird. Switch to a four- to five-track EP ("extended play," a term dating back to the days of vinyl.) Today the album is the standard unit of operation in the music business. Contracts and success are all based on albums. But what if that changed? What if contracts were written by song or EP and budgets were slashed accordingly?"
..."I believe that if the record industry tightened its product, offered greater diversity and focused their album efforts on music compilations, they might be able to make it out of the business world alive.
"What made albums (post-the Beatles' Rubber Soul) so great was that they were intended to be heard from start to finish and you were almost always guaranteed a couple of good songs. But the album as an art form is a relic in the age of file sharing. Thanks to the innovation of the fast-forward button, today's listeners go cruising from track to track in search of a sucker cut. Right now, consumers are hesitant about plunking down $16.99 plus tax for an entire record that might turn out to be utterly disposable. I believe that's why so many are turning to downloading — to hedge their bets.
"The labels need to sell a product the people will pay for, and that means they've got to take what is great about the album and abbreviate it. Put it out more frequently and in smaller batches. It keeps costs down, keeps bands developing and keeps fans interested.Instead of sacking whole bands, just sack unnecessarily big productions. Keep a diverse roster, encourage quality and sell the archive. Kill the album."
Been hanging out in Burleson at a wedding, seeing lost friends and accomplishing things all weekend. More to follow [including MY take on the two articles in question] soon. As always, additions, counter arguements and topics to debate: DROP A LINE!
chaz66@earthlink.net Don't panic if you get a 'not on friends list' message: I am having SPAM issues and have the heavy duty spam filter on.
NEXT TOPIC [or' the sentence currently burning a hole in my head]: Been reading an old Springsteen article, specifically about putting together the Live 75-85 album, and the feeling and the story he was trying to put across in the sequencing, when it hit me. The scariest moment [or 'The Defining Moment'] is when one realizes that Mom and Dad don't know it all. That it's all just a crap shoot.
Saturday, August 16, 2003
Random Nates:
I have noticed the photos of a lot of dead people at my desk: John Lennon, Joe Strummer, the Marx Brothers [all tempered of course by the invulnerable Keith Richards]… I know these people are cultural icons who’ve had an influence on me, but I was just struck by the thought. I was reminded of the infamous Pete Townshend interview/rave on one of the “History of Rock and Roll” shows: “They’re your icons, they’re my friends and they’re dead. My fucking friends are dead.”
Saw Behind the Music: Aerosmith again the other night [part of it anyway]. The trouble with Aerosmith now is that Steven Tyler still thinks he’s relevant, that his band is as revered as the Rolling Stones and Zeppelin. I suppose they are in some quarters, but I am afraid he is equating commercial success with relevance. hould Aerosmith just give up making new albums and hit the sheds every summer and live on their past glories ala Steve Miller? What the hell was Just Push Play? What was on Nine Lives worth hearing? ON THE OTHER HAND: There are examples like Santana where they put out consistently good [not great, but more positive than negative] albums for years before the public finally comes around again. But Aerosmith needs to go away again so people can remember what really made that band great: a good groove and attitude. Of course the Stones don’t even have the attitude they used to, but I’m afraid Joe Perry lets Steven Tyler just out motor mouth him. He needs to be more assertive like Keith is when he needs to be. Think of the Stones albums Jagger really had control: It’s Only Rock and Roll, Black and Blue, Emotional Rescue… scary parallel, isn’t it? It wouldn’t be so bad if Aerosmith hadn’t just jumped into this new found “Icon” status so easily, but they basically abandoned their back catalog except for a handful of ‘hit singles.’ Anything before their ‘comeback,’ Permanent Vacation, is banned. Isn’t that like Robert Plant going out and refusing to play the Zeppelin catalog, like he did for so long?
Gotta love MUZAK, man. Scheduling a vendor meet and I hear Lindsey Buckingham’s 1984 [?] single “Trouble” with a clarinet playing the lead vocal lines. No bass on it to provide the punch of the original, but the guitar player makes a great run at Lindsey’s lines, even if there’s not enough echo on the solo. Did I rant and rave about Lindsey’s playing at the Fleetwood Mac show? He played great, though he used those funny little custom guitars he has. I hoped he’s dig a Les Paul out for “I’m So Afraid,” but you can’t have everything. Great under-rated guitar player. Needs to get rid of the blonde, though, she just weighs the whole thing down, right Deb? *snicker snicker*
Ben on a big Band tear since seeing The Last Waltz again. Finally bough the brown [The Band] album and I am just knocked out by the SOUND of it. There’s real bottom to it, real drums, bass, tubas[!], pianos and organs and all kinds of stuff that doesn’t belong on rock records. You can hear silence between the beats sometimes! No one makes records like that anymore. Everything today is synthetic DOOM DOOM drums with that Flea/ Bootsy Collins slap-pop bass with 14 triple overdrive guitars over that and a singer who sits like a foghorn in the middle of it all. BLECH! Oh, there are singer songwriter guys like Pete Yorn and the like who use acoustic guitars, and there are real 'lo-fi' rock and roll bands still, but there is no one else who sounds like the Band. How many bands can you name with four great singers [Danko, Helm, Manuel and Robertson]? Where all the guys contribute to the songs? How many bands understand that economy and silence in between notes alows a song to breathe? The only other band that comes to mond that NO ONEelse sounds like is the Who. And I am begining to think Wilco. Saw the out takes disc of I Am Trying to Break Your Heart the other night. Wow.
Nat and Sandy also advise to keep an eye open for a Canadian: Sam Roberts. Heard a good portion of his disc, very good in a Westerberg type vein. Did I rave about Dallas band called Nope? Sounds like Cheap Trick meets the Replacements, you know, stuff that radio won't get withing a hundred yards of. I heard that at Nate's, too. It's not released yet, but I told him to tell them that there ARE people who still enjoy that type of music.
Good to see Ed Voyles at Nate's too [yes it was a good night!]. Ed says he wants to touch up the Jasper Stone and add a couple songs. Also says keep calenders clear in mid Sept for a tribute gig out at good ol' 'five star' Fred's in Ft Worth. More to come.
In Dallas, they've closed an institution again, and for the last time. The Bronco Bowl is going away to make way for another fucking Home Depot. Now I understand economics and all and they weren't getting many shows anymore. Still, they hosted such greats as the Black Crowes, Bruce Springsteen [Tom Joad tour], Neil Young [Blue Notes/This Note's For You tour]... I know I have seen my share of shows there. Off the top of my head, and hands down the best was Lou Reed on the Set the Twilight Reeling tour form abouit the 15th row. That was Lou's only appearance in Dallas SINCE the Velvet Underground and his oly show there since. [See, Dallas is kind of an 'armpit of the universe' for music tours, I think. People either play the Smirnoff Shed, formerly known as Starplex or they play clubs. How many bands come though anymore needing at 1500 seat arena?] We saw the Red Hot Chilli Peppers there twice in the old Sound Warehouse days [once with Mary's Danish opening and once we skipped the openers, some lame band touring on their first album called Alice In Chains, which continued a grand tradition of skipping bands that would take off that we missed; once me and Nate skipped [pre-Nothing's Shocking] Jane's Addiction opening for Iggy Pop at the Arcadia. So I try not to miss opening bands anymore, but the worst I ever saw was opening for the Black Crowes at my last BB show: Beechwood Sparks, a Byrds sounding band that was cool for two songs, but that was it...] on the Mother's Milk tour. Saw Tin Machine there [fuck you I LIKED TIN MACHINE.] Saw the Big Audio Dynamite II/PiL tour there [highlighted by BAD playing Prince's 1999 in the encore]. We saw the Ramones and Social Distortion [who I still can't stand] there right after they reopened the second time. The last time I was there was two years ago for the Black Crowes Lions tour. I had problems with the show like the lead guitarist being way too loud and the Crowes burying Ediie Harsch's keyboards in the mix, but the BB was still a good venue. The loss of the Bronco Bowl may put some more shows at Deep Ellum Live [formerly the Venue, formerly Tommy's], but that place will never take the place of the BB. First of all the BB has/had chairs and that bowl; there really weren't many bad seats in the place. DEL is standing all the time. Like my friend Amanda says, "I am too old to stand up for three hours at a show anymore." Of course you can't DANCE at DEL, either.
Yeah, that was the truth [I don't know about now]. Nate's band the American Fuse opened for Rocket from the Crypt there, oh about three years ago, and the cops were hassling the place for [I am not making this up] not having some sort of dance hall license/permit. So they were going to BUST PEOPLE for DANCING [pogo-ing, frug-ing, dirty bopping, you name it]. Well they announced that from the stage before RftC was to take sthe stage and people boo-ed, and RftC came on with their hyper horny sound and they pulled a couple people out and the band left the stage. So there's a bunch of cenfernces going on and we're having another drink and Nate come out from back stage and says "It doesn't look good, they're not gonna come back on, let's cruise." Well, we head for the exit and as soon as we're out the door, RftC comes back on and starts tearing it up. The irony is Dunigan is TWO STEPS out the door and turns around and gets stopped from going back in: No in and outs. You gotta be kidding me. Nope. Don't get me wrong, I have seen a couple good shows and fallen in love [and gotten other people in a lot of trouble] at DEL [Rave Ups. Fishbone, Iggy Pop... oh, and Violent Femmes with a friend with an extra ticket] but that RftC show may have been my last trip there.
Anyway, raise a plastic cup full of draft Budweiser for the late great Bronco Bowl. The King is dead, long live the King.
I have noticed the photos of a lot of dead people at my desk: John Lennon, Joe Strummer, the Marx Brothers [all tempered of course by the invulnerable Keith Richards]… I know these people are cultural icons who’ve had an influence on me, but I was just struck by the thought. I was reminded of the infamous Pete Townshend interview/rave on one of the “History of Rock and Roll” shows: “They’re your icons, they’re my friends and they’re dead. My fucking friends are dead.”
Saw Behind the Music: Aerosmith again the other night [part of it anyway]. The trouble with Aerosmith now is that Steven Tyler still thinks he’s relevant, that his band is as revered as the Rolling Stones and Zeppelin. I suppose they are in some quarters, but I am afraid he is equating commercial success with relevance. hould Aerosmith just give up making new albums and hit the sheds every summer and live on their past glories ala Steve Miller? What the hell was Just Push Play? What was on Nine Lives worth hearing? ON THE OTHER HAND: There are examples like Santana where they put out consistently good [not great, but more positive than negative] albums for years before the public finally comes around again. But Aerosmith needs to go away again so people can remember what really made that band great: a good groove and attitude. Of course the Stones don’t even have the attitude they used to, but I’m afraid Joe Perry lets Steven Tyler just out motor mouth him. He needs to be more assertive like Keith is when he needs to be. Think of the Stones albums Jagger really had control: It’s Only Rock and Roll, Black and Blue, Emotional Rescue… scary parallel, isn’t it? It wouldn’t be so bad if Aerosmith hadn’t just jumped into this new found “Icon” status so easily, but they basically abandoned their back catalog except for a handful of ‘hit singles.’ Anything before their ‘comeback,’ Permanent Vacation, is banned. Isn’t that like Robert Plant going out and refusing to play the Zeppelin catalog, like he did for so long?
Gotta love MUZAK, man. Scheduling a vendor meet and I hear Lindsey Buckingham’s 1984 [?] single “Trouble” with a clarinet playing the lead vocal lines. No bass on it to provide the punch of the original, but the guitar player makes a great run at Lindsey’s lines, even if there’s not enough echo on the solo. Did I rant and rave about Lindsey’s playing at the Fleetwood Mac show? He played great, though he used those funny little custom guitars he has. I hoped he’s dig a Les Paul out for “I’m So Afraid,” but you can’t have everything. Great under-rated guitar player. Needs to get rid of the blonde, though, she just weighs the whole thing down, right Deb? *snicker snicker*
Ben on a big Band tear since seeing The Last Waltz again. Finally bough the brown [The Band] album and I am just knocked out by the SOUND of it. There’s real bottom to it, real drums, bass, tubas[!], pianos and organs and all kinds of stuff that doesn’t belong on rock records. You can hear silence between the beats sometimes! No one makes records like that anymore. Everything today is synthetic DOOM DOOM drums with that Flea/ Bootsy Collins slap-pop bass with 14 triple overdrive guitars over that and a singer who sits like a foghorn in the middle of it all. BLECH! Oh, there are singer songwriter guys like Pete Yorn and the like who use acoustic guitars, and there are real 'lo-fi' rock and roll bands still, but there is no one else who sounds like the Band. How many bands can you name with four great singers [Danko, Helm, Manuel and Robertson]? Where all the guys contribute to the songs? How many bands understand that economy and silence in between notes alows a song to breathe? The only other band that comes to mond that NO ONEelse sounds like is the Who. And I am begining to think Wilco. Saw the out takes disc of I Am Trying to Break Your Heart the other night. Wow.
Nat and Sandy also advise to keep an eye open for a Canadian: Sam Roberts. Heard a good portion of his disc, very good in a Westerberg type vein. Did I rave about Dallas band called Nope? Sounds like Cheap Trick meets the Replacements, you know, stuff that radio won't get withing a hundred yards of. I heard that at Nate's, too. It's not released yet, but I told him to tell them that there ARE people who still enjoy that type of music.
Good to see Ed Voyles at Nate's too [yes it was a good night!]. Ed says he wants to touch up the Jasper Stone and add a couple songs. Also says keep calenders clear in mid Sept for a tribute gig out at good ol' 'five star' Fred's in Ft Worth. More to come.
In Dallas, they've closed an institution again, and for the last time. The Bronco Bowl is going away to make way for another fucking Home Depot. Now I understand economics and all and they weren't getting many shows anymore. Still, they hosted such greats as the Black Crowes, Bruce Springsteen [Tom Joad tour], Neil Young [Blue Notes/This Note's For You tour]... I know I have seen my share of shows there. Off the top of my head, and hands down the best was Lou Reed on the Set the Twilight Reeling tour form abouit the 15th row. That was Lou's only appearance in Dallas SINCE the Velvet Underground and his oly show there since. [See, Dallas is kind of an 'armpit of the universe' for music tours, I think. People either play the Smirnoff Shed, formerly known as Starplex or they play clubs. How many bands come though anymore needing at 1500 seat arena?] We saw the Red Hot Chilli Peppers there twice in the old Sound Warehouse days [once with Mary's Danish opening and once we skipped the openers, some lame band touring on their first album called Alice In Chains, which continued a grand tradition of skipping bands that would take off that we missed; once me and Nate skipped [pre-Nothing's Shocking] Jane's Addiction opening for Iggy Pop at the Arcadia. So I try not to miss opening bands anymore, but the worst I ever saw was opening for the Black Crowes at my last BB show: Beechwood Sparks, a Byrds sounding band that was cool for two songs, but that was it...] on the Mother's Milk tour. Saw Tin Machine there [fuck you I LIKED TIN MACHINE.] Saw the Big Audio Dynamite II/PiL tour there [highlighted by BAD playing Prince's 1999 in the encore]. We saw the Ramones and Social Distortion [who I still can't stand] there right after they reopened the second time. The last time I was there was two years ago for the Black Crowes Lions tour. I had problems with the show like the lead guitarist being way too loud and the Crowes burying Ediie Harsch's keyboards in the mix, but the BB was still a good venue. The loss of the Bronco Bowl may put some more shows at Deep Ellum Live [formerly the Venue, formerly Tommy's], but that place will never take the place of the BB. First of all the BB has/had chairs and that bowl; there really weren't many bad seats in the place. DEL is standing all the time. Like my friend Amanda says, "I am too old to stand up for three hours at a show anymore." Of course you can't DANCE at DEL, either.
Yeah, that was the truth [I don't know about now]. Nate's band the American Fuse opened for Rocket from the Crypt there, oh about three years ago, and the cops were hassling the place for [I am not making this up] not having some sort of dance hall license/permit. So they were going to BUST PEOPLE for DANCING [pogo-ing, frug-ing, dirty bopping, you name it]. Well they announced that from the stage before RftC was to take sthe stage and people boo-ed, and RftC came on with their hyper horny sound and they pulled a couple people out and the band left the stage. So there's a bunch of cenfernces going on and we're having another drink and Nate come out from back stage and says "It doesn't look good, they're not gonna come back on, let's cruise." Well, we head for the exit and as soon as we're out the door, RftC comes back on and starts tearing it up. The irony is Dunigan is TWO STEPS out the door and turns around and gets stopped from going back in: No in and outs. You gotta be kidding me. Nope. Don't get me wrong, I have seen a couple good shows and fallen in love [and gotten other people in a lot of trouble] at DEL [Rave Ups. Fishbone, Iggy Pop... oh, and Violent Femmes with a friend with an extra ticket] but that RftC show may have been my last trip there.
Anyway, raise a plastic cup full of draft Budweiser for the late great Bronco Bowl. The King is dead, long live the King.
Sunday, August 10, 2003
Friends and others, it has been a bad period for the last couple of weeks. I have to tell you all about grief and loss, sorrow and laughter and tears. My friends Henry and Heather Meyer were killed in an auto accident and a lot of us have been dealing with grief and shock and loss. It was a hard week, many 'liquid' nights, much contemplation of beliefs and our place in the universe, many stories that brought laughter and then a heartbreaking disappointment that our friends would not be around to share 'their side' of the stories anymore. And the hundreds of pictures where you can see the love for each other in their eyes.
I have never met and probably never will meet two nicer or “full of life” people. I never saw either angry and I never saw them blow anyone off and I never saw them refuse to help anyone of they possibly could. Even when Heather was sick with her mysterious maladies, they were “more subdued” but never really “down.” I am fairly sure they were at peace with themselves and “right with God,” whatever that meant to them. I am glad we were in the habit of telling each other we loved each other. I was lucky enough to know Henry for 15 years and Heather for a little over ten. I knew Henry and Heather better than I know some of my own cousins, and even after a long period of non contact, we would always pick up like good friends, right where we left off. I hope everyone one day finds or has found a love a true and pure as theirs was. And they were blessed with wonderfully off-the-beaten-path families, much like my own extended family [I love you Uncle Rich!]. Their families were always wonderful and I felt part of the family whenever I was around them.
The hardest part for me was the viewing. I saw two waxy lifeless bodies with the souls gone and I was just shocked. I have a photo of the two of them from my birthday gathering this year that I will remeber them by, not the funeral. I understand that funerals are for closure, but I still feel we have not celebrated their lives, the joy and the love that they gave all of us. I will miss long, laugh filled dinners. I will miss Heather’s enthusiasm for life and everything that that implies. I will miss Henry’s perfect “straight man dead pan” [thanks Scott] sense of humor. I keep thinking of the line from Bob Seger’s Beautiful Loser: “He’s always willing to be second best, the perfect lodger and the perfect guest.” I will miss Heather's lack of inhibition, her enthusiasm and her spontaniously breaking into the Elaine dance.
It's just my way to be fairly closed about everything, though some appear to be breaking me down since this tragedy. I tried to be strong for the others who needed the support. Some wonderful person told me that "willingly taking on the burden for others in their time of need was a gift, but I needed to do my grieving also." And I have my days where I am okay and some times when I still cannot belive that an email will come with a joke or a reply to my 'rock and roll discussion group' ever again. Henry knew I was trying to write again and one of the last things he sent was a local web-zine looking for writers.
I don't think I have the piece anymore, but I was going to write an article on Jasper Stone just to get my chops up again and maybe use as an example. It was after a particularly empty gig after a particularly sucessful gig at Love and War. I wrote a few paragraphs as I was getting my thoughts together and I sent them around to Ed and Henry. And Henry called and asked that I NOT publish the piece but he liked what I ad written. We spoke for a long time 'off the record' about the band and things about the band. I am sorry they never met more success than "we're huge in Belgium." I know Ed will keep playoing, though I think Jasper Stone is dead. He's got too much rock and roll in him to be silent for long. I hope we see the release of the album they were polishing, too. I never asked if Henry was proud of his music, I never asked if the gigs before family and a hanful of friends and a couple drunks on Monday nights in Dallas were 'worth it.' I will never know a lot of things.
Some around me claim to have moments of clairvoyance or 'spirit presence.' I am not fool enough to dismiss these outright. I know if a message is to come to me from the other side, it will be music. And I was coming home from Henry's brother's after the funeral, the 'semi-wake' [many stories, many laughs, some tears and a million hugs, a hilariously sad beer run on the north end of Dallas, Carollton, Richardson and Plano; and heartburn from extra greasy salami, every one of which I will treasure forever] and I was coming into the home stretch of 114/121 in Grapevine on to 360 and my tape ran out and I popped it out and Heather's favorite band Queensryche came on the radio, Silent Lucidity.
"Hush now, don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over... or has it just begun?
There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize it and you were scared
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly you hear and see
This magic new dimension
I- will be watching over you
I- am gonna help you see it through
I- will protect you in the night
I- am smiling next to you, in Silent Lucidity
[Visualize your dream]
[Record it in the present tense]
[Put it into a permanent form]
[If you persist in your efforts]
[You can achieve dream control]
[Dream control]
[How's that then, better?]
[Hug me]
If you open your mind for me
You won't rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
You're safe from the pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but...
I- will be watching over you
I- am gonna help to see it through
I- will protect you in the night
I- am smiling next to you...."
Is that spooky or what? But I believe they are in Heaven and together for eternity and they will find a way to sneak Shiner Bock into Heaven...
Anyway, remind all your loved one that you love them, because you never know when it will be the last time you will see them. Bless you all and thanks for reading and thanks for all the calls and emails...
Chaz
I have never met and probably never will meet two nicer or “full of life” people. I never saw either angry and I never saw them blow anyone off and I never saw them refuse to help anyone of they possibly could. Even when Heather was sick with her mysterious maladies, they were “more subdued” but never really “down.” I am fairly sure they were at peace with themselves and “right with God,” whatever that meant to them. I am glad we were in the habit of telling each other we loved each other. I was lucky enough to know Henry for 15 years and Heather for a little over ten. I knew Henry and Heather better than I know some of my own cousins, and even after a long period of non contact, we would always pick up like good friends, right where we left off. I hope everyone one day finds or has found a love a true and pure as theirs was. And they were blessed with wonderfully off-the-beaten-path families, much like my own extended family [I love you Uncle Rich!]. Their families were always wonderful and I felt part of the family whenever I was around them.
The hardest part for me was the viewing. I saw two waxy lifeless bodies with the souls gone and I was just shocked. I have a photo of the two of them from my birthday gathering this year that I will remeber them by, not the funeral. I understand that funerals are for closure, but I still feel we have not celebrated their lives, the joy and the love that they gave all of us. I will miss long, laugh filled dinners. I will miss Heather’s enthusiasm for life and everything that that implies. I will miss Henry’s perfect “straight man dead pan” [thanks Scott] sense of humor. I keep thinking of the line from Bob Seger’s Beautiful Loser: “He’s always willing to be second best, the perfect lodger and the perfect guest.” I will miss Heather's lack of inhibition, her enthusiasm and her spontaniously breaking into the Elaine dance.
It's just my way to be fairly closed about everything, though some appear to be breaking me down since this tragedy. I tried to be strong for the others who needed the support. Some wonderful person told me that "willingly taking on the burden for others in their time of need was a gift, but I needed to do my grieving also." And I have my days where I am okay and some times when I still cannot belive that an email will come with a joke or a reply to my 'rock and roll discussion group' ever again. Henry knew I was trying to write again and one of the last things he sent was a local web-zine looking for writers.
I don't think I have the piece anymore, but I was going to write an article on Jasper Stone just to get my chops up again and maybe use as an example. It was after a particularly empty gig after a particularly sucessful gig at Love and War. I wrote a few paragraphs as I was getting my thoughts together and I sent them around to Ed and Henry. And Henry called and asked that I NOT publish the piece but he liked what I ad written. We spoke for a long time 'off the record' about the band and things about the band. I am sorry they never met more success than "we're huge in Belgium." I know Ed will keep playoing, though I think Jasper Stone is dead. He's got too much rock and roll in him to be silent for long. I hope we see the release of the album they were polishing, too. I never asked if Henry was proud of his music, I never asked if the gigs before family and a hanful of friends and a couple drunks on Monday nights in Dallas were 'worth it.' I will never know a lot of things.
Some around me claim to have moments of clairvoyance or 'spirit presence.' I am not fool enough to dismiss these outright. I know if a message is to come to me from the other side, it will be music. And I was coming home from Henry's brother's after the funeral, the 'semi-wake' [many stories, many laughs, some tears and a million hugs, a hilariously sad beer run on the north end of Dallas, Carollton, Richardson and Plano; and heartburn from extra greasy salami, every one of which I will treasure forever] and I was coming into the home stretch of 114/121 in Grapevine on to 360 and my tape ran out and I popped it out and Heather's favorite band Queensryche came on the radio, Silent Lucidity.
"Hush now, don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over... or has it just begun?
There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize it and you were scared
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly you hear and see
This magic new dimension
I- will be watching over you
I- am gonna help you see it through
I- will protect you in the night
I- am smiling next to you, in Silent Lucidity
[Visualize your dream]
[Record it in the present tense]
[Put it into a permanent form]
[If you persist in your efforts]
[You can achieve dream control]
[Dream control]
[How's that then, better?]
[Hug me]
If you open your mind for me
You won't rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
You're safe from the pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but...
I- will be watching over you
I- am gonna help to see it through
I- will protect you in the night
I- am smiling next to you...."
Is that spooky or what? But I believe they are in Heaven and together for eternity and they will find a way to sneak Shiner Bock into Heaven...
Anyway, remind all your loved one that you love them, because you never know when it will be the last time you will see them. Bless you all and thanks for reading and thanks for all the calls and emails...
Chaz
Saturday, August 02, 2003
WE GET MAIL!!!
Well, it finally happened, one of the patients escaped from the institute and sent an email from the inside. JUST KIDDING!
I got an email from Michael Niebuhr from Denmark [home of strong beer I hear] who advises he linked from "RateYourMusic to see if anything interested has just been reviewed. If a review is more than 15 lines I go and check out the reviewers other reviews. If I read more than 30-40 reviews I'll check out the person's profile. That's how I happened to find out about your homepage (from the link). The first thing I read was about a guy who'd just had a 5 day vacation and his adventures in those days. It was great. Then you mentioned Buddyhead and I went and checked that out. Hilarious! I've already turned 2 friends onto their site. Best of all I went to my local library (here in Aarhus, Denmark) and got their copy of Lester Bangs "... Carborator Dung". I read the piece on Richard Hell and proceded to the (long one) on the Clash. It was just as great."
I hope Michael enjoys seeing his name on the World Wide Web and I appreciate his kind words. It makes me feel like I am accomplishing something besides killing all those hours between work and sleeping...
Michael was also kind enough to send A LIST. As I have offered before, you send me a list of last ten things in your player or top ten records of all time or ten favorite truck driving songs, and I'll post it. Well, here's Michael's:
"Top Ten artists who've surpassed or equalled the work of their youth in their third or later decade as recording artists" (you guessed it, I'm still working on a good name for the category - lol)
(no order yet)
Bob Dylan for Time Out Of Mind and The Never Ending Tour // Personally I think Love and Theft is a better record
Iggy Pop for Avenue B // Iggy's output since the comeback Blah Blah Blah has all been hit or miss, but I'd see another Iggy show...
David Bowie for ...hours and Heathen // Heathen was a great record!
Buena Vista Social Club for BVSC (though I'm by no means familiar with their early work)
Van Morrison for The Healing Game (and most of his 90s output) // Van's Back on Top was very good also. He seems be in a 2 good 2 okay pattern
Lou Reed for Ecstasy (The Raven is not bad either) // Lou's output since New York has all been pretty good
Solomon Burke for Don't Give Up On Me
Neil Young for Greendale (out soon, but he's touring it right now - caught it in Copenhagen)
Tom Waits for his latest trilogy (if you will) Mule Variations, Alice & Blood Money
Johnny Cash for American Recordings (my favorites are #1 and #3)
It's been a long week... for those not in the loop my friend and Jasper Stone drummer Henry Meyer and his lovely, witty bride Heather died in an auto accident last weekend. The families and all the friends seem to be getting along nicely, but some times are better than others. Anyway, I have a couple of pieces I am workin on and hope to have more up by the Monday. Thanks to all for kind words, thoughts and phone calls.
Peace... call your friends and tell them love them. Chaz
Well, it finally happened, one of the patients escaped from the institute and sent an email from the inside. JUST KIDDING!
I got an email from Michael Niebuhr from Denmark [home of strong beer I hear] who advises he linked from "RateYourMusic to see if anything interested has just been reviewed. If a review is more than 15 lines I go and check out the reviewers other reviews. If I read more than 30-40 reviews I'll check out the person's profile. That's how I happened to find out about your homepage (from the link). The first thing I read was about a guy who'd just had a 5 day vacation and his adventures in those days. It was great. Then you mentioned Buddyhead and I went and checked that out. Hilarious! I've already turned 2 friends onto their site. Best of all I went to my local library (here in Aarhus, Denmark) and got their copy of Lester Bangs "... Carborator Dung". I read the piece on Richard Hell and proceded to the (long one) on the Clash. It was just as great."
I hope Michael enjoys seeing his name on the World Wide Web and I appreciate his kind words. It makes me feel like I am accomplishing something besides killing all those hours between work and sleeping...
Michael was also kind enough to send A LIST. As I have offered before, you send me a list of last ten things in your player or top ten records of all time or ten favorite truck driving songs, and I'll post it. Well, here's Michael's:
"Top Ten artists who've surpassed or equalled the work of their youth in their third or later decade as recording artists" (you guessed it, I'm still working on a good name for the category - lol)
(no order yet)
Bob Dylan for Time Out Of Mind and The Never Ending Tour // Personally I think Love and Theft is a better record
Iggy Pop for Avenue B // Iggy's output since the comeback Blah Blah Blah has all been hit or miss, but I'd see another Iggy show...
David Bowie for ...hours and Heathen // Heathen was a great record!
Buena Vista Social Club for BVSC (though I'm by no means familiar with their early work)
Van Morrison for The Healing Game (and most of his 90s output) // Van's Back on Top was very good also. He seems be in a 2 good 2 okay pattern
Lou Reed for Ecstasy (The Raven is not bad either) // Lou's output since New York has all been pretty good
Solomon Burke for Don't Give Up On Me
Neil Young for Greendale (out soon, but he's touring it right now - caught it in Copenhagen)
Tom Waits for his latest trilogy (if you will) Mule Variations, Alice & Blood Money
Johnny Cash for American Recordings (my favorites are #1 and #3)
It's been a long week... for those not in the loop my friend and Jasper Stone drummer Henry Meyer and his lovely, witty bride Heather died in an auto accident last weekend. The families and all the friends seem to be getting along nicely, but some times are better than others. Anyway, I have a couple of pieces I am workin on and hope to have more up by the Monday. Thanks to all for kind words, thoughts and phone calls.
Peace... call your friends and tell them love them. Chaz