An Elvis Costello Exercise

So I am grooving to tape 1 of my Elvis Costello car tapes and I pick up a line... I'm not saying what line... and I thought "Can I steal that?"
Then I noticed a good one in the next song. And the next.

So I decided to steal a line or two from every song on the tape [with the exception of the lone cover song I Can't Stand Up for Falling Down] and see if I could make a little Elvis Costello song of my own. Totally not serious and not for like publication so Elvis and/ or ASCAP don't sue me... guess the songs and win a pat on the back from former major leaguer Mario Mendoza.

History repeats, the old conceits

The glib replies, the same defeats

There's no money back guarantee on future happiness

There's no such thing as an original sin

The sport of kings, the old queen's heart

The prince in darkness stole some tart

It's in the papers, it's in the charts

You tell me you can take it or leave it

Sometimes I think that you really believe it

He's got a mind like a sewer and a heart like a fridge

He's no angel, she's no saint

They're all covered up in white wash and greasepaint

He'd seen the bottom of a lot of glasses

But never seen love so clear

Lovers laughing in their amateur hour

Never knowing it's the real attraction

All these promises of satisfaction

Maybe I'll never get over this change in style

But I don't want to lock you up and say you're mine

You talk in hushed tones, I talk in lush tones

Try to look Italian through the musical valium

Each tender mumble brings us closer to bedlam

The toast of the town, the talk of the bedroom

History repeats, the old conceits

The glib replies, the old defeats

It's the damage that we do and never know

It's the words that we don't say that scare me so

Come home disappointed every time they put you down

Laughing with the old boys, saying that it's all noise

Don't say you love me when it's just a rumour

Are you really only going through the motions

You can please yourself but somebody's gonna get it

Everybody loves a happy ending but we don't even try

Forever doesn't mean forever anymore

I wish I could push a button

And talk in the past and not the present tense

Love is gone, it's no one's fault

Love has stopped here, lover's halt

She said that's that, I don't want to chitterchat

Capital punishment, she's last year's model

It starts with a face and becomes a fixation

That's what you get for going after vengeance

Sometime I call you when I know you're not lonely

But I always disconnect it in time

History repeats, the old conceits

The glib replies, the same defeats

I don't know how we came to grow

Into this very sad affair

But it's easier to say I love you

Than yours sincerely I suppose

Thanks to Teemu Selanne and Scott Neidermeyer, I Now Have to Sit Through This

AP - STOCKHOLM, Sweden -- The NHL camps open in two weeks and Mats Sundin still hasn't decided if he'll return for another season.

Sundin said Wednesday he's unsure if his 37-year-old body can handle another grueling year in the NHL. He's received contract offers from numerous teams, including the Toronto Maple Leafs, the team he's led for 13 seasons. "I will not make up my mind before the season starts," Sundin said at a news conference. "That's how I feel right now. Others have started playing in the middle of the season. If I would feel like retiring, I would say it."


You know what - shut up all ready. You didn't see 39 year old Joe Sakic holding up his team's camp with this "I don't know if I can handle another year." 45 year old Chris Chelios will be ready on day 1 of camp and he's going to have a much reduced role with the Red Wings this year.

Look Mats, if you don't think you can handle another year in the NHL, then shut up and retire all ready. Yes, it means leaving a lot of money on the table, but if I have to sit through three months of "He's signing here - no he's signing there" like we did with the king of broken down, Peter Forsberg, I may just give up on hockey all together.

When Selanne and Neidermeyer joined the Ducks mid season last year, [coming off a Stanely Cup win, I add, something Sundin has never accomplished] they thought they could turn on the switch and be in mid-season form and have the mind set going into the playoffs to push themselves and their team deep into the playoffs. And it didn't happen. They went down in 6 to a hungrier Dallas Stars team. Peter Forsberg brought his damaged body in at the trade deadline, out up 14 points in 9 games and was injured yet again going into the playoffs.

But what really stinks about the Sundin situation is that teams have been waiting now - holding cap space and a roster spot available - since July 1st for Sundin to decide if and where he was going to play and now, with camps a week away, Sundin is giving everyone a "Thanks, I'll think about it." Now teams have to scramble to bring in someone and the cupboard is pretty bare as far as star centers - as in zero. You can get a 36 year old Bryan Smolinski probably pretty cheap, you might be able to pry Yannic Perreault from the Chicago Blackhawks, the Nashville Predators might pay you to take Radek Bonk, but as far as first line talent - forget it.

It kills the Vancouver Canucks, who were hoping $ 20 million big ones for 2 year would cause Sundin to forget his aches and pains and leaving Toronto. The Sedin's are going to have to try and do this all alone unless Vancouver offers some cash to maybe Brendan Shannahan or Glen Murray. They really don't have any players to even offer for a second line guy like Chicago's Robert Lang.

I hope this ends all the talk about what a classy guy Sundin is. Yeah, he liked being in Toronto and he stayed there for years when he could have moved to a contender and maybe a Stanley Cup. But he's now become a little selfish. He killed the Leafs retooling by not allowing himself to be moved at the deadline last year. And the Leafs needed new blood in a bad, bad way. If he's trying to "get back" at Leafs management, this is the wrong way to do it - the best way is to sign with Buffalo or Montreal and kick their ass 8 times a year. And laugh while doing it.