Untitled Works 

As I've gotten older and grayer
And maybe even a little more mature - [maybe!]
Spending life's time in search of a fine line
That rides on the edge
Of "Dying without ever having really lived"
And "Work hard, play harder, die young, look good in the coffin"
Compartmentalizing disappointments, regrets and failures
Seeking a balance on the point of a pin

*    *    *

The truth right now in this:
I am not 'fine,' 'good' or 'okay'
Though I am 'hanging in there'

I feel disappointment in myself
And what I am and am not
Unimportant job, unsatisfying in every way
Squeaking by week to week
I feel a full blown midlife crisis
And I am lonely
So, so lonely
Watching all of you paired off...
Notice I did not say "happily paired off"

I know what choices I failed to make
I know what chances I failed to take
And if in the end what the Beatles said
About the love you take and the love you make
The thimbleful of both seems just about right

*    *    * 

Some day, one day
This body will fail
And the electric pulses
Thoughts, dreams, memory
Will be gone
Forever lost
And those thoughts frozen
Into writing, words
Notebooks decaying back to dust
Internet posts a micron on a hard drive in a basement
Forgotten
A magnetic blip amongst a billion trillion others